My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
