I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
