you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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