apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
