look no pants
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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