When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
