That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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