It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
