I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
