Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
