I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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