barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
