I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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