He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
