Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
