Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
