it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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