This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
