OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
