He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
