Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
