I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
