think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
