In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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