Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
