i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
