Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize