listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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