I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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