god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
