Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
