True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we're so committed to being not committed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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