I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
