Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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