youre lurking in front of me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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