i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
