ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
