um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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