he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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