I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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