so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
