So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize