I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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