So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
