she smelled like a LAN party
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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