Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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