New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
