Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
