Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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