some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
