If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We had sex on a dog bed..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
