P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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