Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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