He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There r osticjed everywhere
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
