I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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