i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
