she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
