even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
