I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
