Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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