She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
