Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
