All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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