Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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