it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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