Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
