i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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