how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
